Negotiate Successfully by Feigning Emotional Distress

A friend who knows I have a very tough emotional skin, recently exchanged e-mails with me in which I played the role of being emotionally wounded, by what she wrote in her e-mail. What she wrote did not really cause emotional distress in me, but I responded as though it had to get a reaction from her.

Based on her responses, to me pretending to being ‘hurt’, I knew I had altered her emotional state of mind. In the end, I told her I was gathering information for this week’s negotiation lesson and wanted to use her as an example of how the strategy of feigning emotional distress can be used. Her last e-mail was, “kidddiiiinnnnggggg and you are pulling my leg. It just got so long!” She and her husband are dear friends and I knew to a great degree how she would most likely respond. Nevertheless, you can use the tactic of feigning emotional distress anytime you negotiate.

One reason this tactic is so effective is due to the fact that most people want to build and maintain rapport when they negotiate. To the degree that you break rapport, by feigning emotional distress, you can emotionally move the other person from one position to another. Thus, this tactic can be used as a powerful diversion. The following are examples of how you can use this tactic when negotiating via different mediums.

When you negotiate via e-mail:

The tactic of feigning emotional distress is easiest to use when you negotiate via e-mail. The main reason this is true is due to the fact that your negotiation partner cannot ‘pick up’ any other clues to your real demeanor. In addition, when using this medium to negotiate, there’s more room for misinterpretation, misperception or the projection of such. Here’s an example of how you can use this tactic via e-mail:

· Build rapport over a period of time and as long as the negotiation is progressing in the manner you wish, continue to proceed.

· Once you wish to feign emotional distress, alter your style of writing. If you’re prior e-mails were long and flowery, change your style to short and terse.

· Once the negotiation is back on the track you wish, reward your negotiation partner by going back to the writing style you had prior to feigning emotional distress.

When you negotiate via telephone:

When using this tactic over the phone, you need to observe the pace at which you and your negotiation partner speak. At the point you wish to utilize the emotional distress tactic, you can:

· Alter your pace of speaking (if you were previously speaking fast with a level of excitement in your voice, alter your voice to cast doubt/uncertainty and speak at a slower pace)

· If questioned about why your demeanor seems to have changed, indicate that everything is OK, but you’re not sure about ‘x’ (that which you’re discussing)

· Allow the other person to ‘pull out’ of you the fact that you don’t feel comfortable with the way in which the negotiation is headed. Let him suggest possible solutions to the perceived problem.

· Once you find yourself back on the negotiation track you wish to be on, go back to the cheerful person you were before you were emotionally distressed.

When you negotiate via face-to-face:

Face-to-face negotiations can be the most difficult arena in which to use this tactic. That’s the case, because your negotiation partner can pick up other cues from your body language. You have to communicate your emotional distress verbally and non-verbally and the two have to be synchronized with one another. When negotiating face-to-face, you can:

· Initially be in a jovial and very uplifting mood

· When you wish to alter the negotiation by acting emotionally distressed, don’t respond to a question that’s posed to you. Let silence hang in the air like a storm cloud waiting to release its rain.

· After feigning befuddlement, allow yourself to be drawn back into the negotiation by having your negotiation partner question what occurred to you. The best scenario would be one in which your negotiation partner asks what he can do to get the negotiation back on track. At that point, you’ll have additional insight into what else he may be willing to forgo in order to appease you. After you’ve ‘made your move’, assume the jovial manner by which you were communicating prior to feigning emotional distress.

Feigning emotional distress during a negotiation can and should be used with great care. While it can prove to be a very useful tactic, it can also take the negotiation in a direction from which you may not be able to recover. Determine how you’re going to use this tactic in the planning stage of the negotiation. Make sure you include in your plan what you’ll do if the tactic does not work in the manner you expect.

In essence, by using this tactic, you’re invoking psychological warfare. If this dynamic negotiation tactic is used in the right negotiation environment, by the right negotiator, at the right time, against the right negotiation opponent, you’ll find you have an enormously strong negotiation tool that can assist you in reaching more favorable negotiation outcomes … and everything will be right with the world.

The negotiation lessons are:

· While feigning emotional distress, be aware that a good negotiator can turn this dynamic tactic against you. Thus, you should be prepared to address the potential of such occurrences.

· If you are apprehensive about using this tactic, try it out with a friend to get over your fear or apprehension. After you’ve tried it on your friend, inquire as to how your friend felt and the thoughts that occurred in her mind. Then, thank her for helping you become a better negotiator.

· When using this tactic in a face-to-face negotiation, remember to match your body language with your words. Make sure your message from both aspects is synchronized; if not, you’ll diminish the tactic.

Creditors Negotiation – Debt Settlement Through Negotiation With Creditors

When you are deep in debt it is often difficult to know what action to take, no matter how desperate you are to get out of it. Taking action requires some knowledge of the specific things you can do to change your situation. Many people appear to be simply ignoring their predicament, whereas they just do not understand what the options are in terms of moving forward.

Even the briefest look at any serious debt problem should tell you that one thing that will definitely not work is to hope that it will all go away. A surprising number of people simply ignore the requests from their creditors for payment. Not being able to keep up with payments is one thing, but just not paying without any explanation to your creditors is something else. Your best hope for a long term solution is for your creditors to gain some understanding of your position of hardship and to then agree to be flexible about the terms for settling what you owe.

Creditors negotiation can be done in different ways, but one way or another it needs to happen if you are to get rid of your debts once and for all. If you have a large amount of unsecured debts to a few different creditors, then trying to negotiate a reduced settlement amount is almost certainly the best approach. You can either do this directly yourself or use a specialist company to do it for you.

The process of dealing with debt through creditors negotiation is known as debt settlement and there are many companies in the US that specialise in this area of work. In the UK that specific service is not offered because debt management companies can also provide what is called an Individual Voluntary Agreement, which is a more formal way to settle debts for less than the full amount. The alternative to using one of these companies is of course to do the negotiation directly yourself.

If you use a debt settlement company to do your creditors negotiation for you, they will approach each of your creditors in turn with the aim of coming to agreements to settle your debt in full for as little as possible. A good negotiator might typically expect a settlement of this type to be for about forty to fifty percent of the full amount. With some creditors the negotiation may only take a month or so, but with others it can take two or three years. While this happens you do not make any payments to your creditors, but put money away instead in a holding account. As the amount of money in this account grows, it is used to pay for the settlements that are agreed.

If you plan to undertake creditors negotiation yourself, you will need to have some help and advice, unless you happen to be very experienced already in this field. It is not just about being tough or good at deal making. You can only hope to achieve the kind of deals that a settlement company would get if you have a thorough understanding of how your creditors operate. Knowing how these companies treat bad debt and what their policies are for loss mitigation is what enables you to time your bargaining just right to get the maximum amount written off your debt.

The incentive for dealing with creditors negotiation yourself is that you do not need to pay anything to a debt settlement company, and so can gain the most benefit from any reductions in your debts. The fees for the best settlement companies will simply be a proportion of the amount they get written off your debts, so you cannot lose out overall. However, that can still be a substantial amount when you are dealing with large debts, so if you are able to achieve the same saving yourself, you stand to gain quite a lot.

There are lots of guides available online that claim to help you negotiate with creditors, but many of them offer very little real help, being full of banal information that you could have figured out yourself. There are a few very comprehensive guides out there, from excellent e-books to interactive learning courses, so do not just opt for the first one you come across. No guide is going to really help unless it tells you exactly what to do at each stage of the process.

If you wish to go down the debt settlement company route, you should apply to at least three companies and compare the feedback you get from these. Start off by using recommended companies so that you avoid any that may not have an appropriate record of success.

Yoga Wants You To Forget The Past And Concentrate On The Present

Yoga wants you to live in the present. It teaches us to respect and trust yourself. It also teaches us to pay more attention to where we are presently. Many of us still think of our past life. We still think of mistakes that we have made in the past that can hinder us from moving forward in life. This will cause some set back, because all your thoughts and focus will be in the past that you will forget to concentrate on the future. Yoga wants you to respect as well as accept your body for the moment that it is in, and not where it was before. It also teaches us to forget about the past, live in the present, and concentrate much on the future.

When you start learning how to appreciate life for what it is and not force yourself in any way or make goals that are unreasonable, you will start enjoying your life and appreciate what you have. Most relationships have crashed because they lacked the basics or did not concentrate on things that are necessary for growth. Successful relationships stem from having respect and trust for one another. If you take these lessons in your life, you will attract a healthy and loving relationship as well.

Reducing Tension

In yoga, in most cases you will find out that your body feels stiff and tight. This indicates the areas where you are holding tension and energy stagnates. This will not lead to growth or deepening of your experience. You will notice that every part of your joints, limbs as well as your muscles feels useless, and everything seems to be difficult as well. The same thing can be said about our relationships with other people, as they can also feel like too much work and be entirely difficult.

The only way to be free from this is to let your guard down and soften your defenses as well. These defenses took a lot of years to develop to that level, starting with your relationships you have with your parents, brothers, sisters, as well as friends. Sometimes, all it takes for us to be happy or keep our relationship is to let go. Letting go sometimes and becoming soft is one of the best ways we can become stronger and improve our relationships.

It does not really matter how you practice yoga. Whether you do it on your own or engage in partner yoga, it is important to know that it is not about perfection. Remember that in a relationship, no one is completely perfect, as everyone is unique and brings different energy to the union. Everything is a process that continues to grow if you are responsible and on the right path.